I really didn’t like the way the conversation was going. Dave, my supervisor, recommended that I begin thinking about resigning from my leadership role with our organization. Are you serious? After many years in my position, I still had clear vision and specific goals, plus all the energy and passion I needed to pursue them.
Dave was adamant. “You can lose your drive in a day, just like I did,” he said. I was not convinced. After more discussion, we moved on to other topics. But I couldn’t forget our conversation. The more I considered Dave’s annoying idea, the more I realized he was right. We needed a fresh leader, and having less responsibility appealed to me. Five years later, after a very successful transition, I couldn’t be happier. So how did that happen?
Change is hard, especially if we do not get to initiate it. But change is here to stay. As the Greek philosopher Heraclitus observed, “The only constant is change.”
Learning to navigate change is an essential skill in being resilient. Resilience is the ability to adjust and thrive in the midst of stress and adversity. And we adjust to change through the process of transition.
Change and transition are not the same, as noted by consultant William Bridges. Change happens to us, even if we resist it. Transition takes place internally, in our minds, and helps us process and adjust to change. Change is inevitable, but transition is optional. Change happens to everyone, but not everyone transitions well.
Here are three ways to transition better and grow our resilience.
Grieve the loss that change brings.
We first need to understand and manage our reactions to change. Because change involves a loss, we experience the classic stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and (hopefully) acceptance. These are normal responses that we should anticipate when something familiar is removed from our lives. But we don’t transition nicely through these stages. Instead, we find ourselves bouncing from one to another until we find a sense of acceptance. Acknowledging and expressing our thoughts and feelings appropriately helps us keep moving.
I reacted to Dave’s recommendation with denial – I couldn’t imagine giving up my significant role. I was irritated and tried to think of a way to negotiate it away (bargaining.) I was sad (depressed) that my dream job was coming to an end. Then I would return to denial and refuse to think about it. Eventually, I envisioned my life after the transition as desirable and accepted the change.
Give yourself time to transition.
While change can happen in a moment, transitioning our brains takes time. Don’t berate yourself for not being able to adjust immediately. Bridges’ Transition Model describes the three stages we must go through to successfully maneuver through major changes:
- Endings
- The Neutral Zone
- New Beginnings
In brief, we need to acknowledge and grieve the loss (Endings) as noted above, allow a time of less productive reorienting ourselves to our new reality (Neutral Zone) before we can embrace our New Beginning. It is important not to skip a stage and to take the time needed in each one.
Preparing to leave my leadership position afforded me the luxury of working through these stages before the change occurred. But they are equally helpful to understand and process after a change. For more information, click on the Transition Model link above.
Make change your ally, not your enemy.
Changes we cannot control appear threatening and overwhelming. It is true that we will lose the old and familiar, but we can take back our power to live a happy, productive life. We always have choices, and our greatest choice lies in our response. As Viktor Frankl, a holocaust survivor, said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Since transition happens in our minds, allow yourself to imagine a positive outcome of your current change. Resisting change is usually futile. Reframing the change to something positive makes it your servant rather than your master.
From my current vantage point, I recognize the change Dave recommended first appeared adversarial, but later became my friend. Without that change I would have missed this new and exciting season of less organizational responsibility and greater opportunity to use my gifts.
What change have you recently experienced? Take some time to journal your reactions to change and chart a course using these ideas to transition well. Along the way, you will grow your resilience!
Copyright © 2018 Stephen Chupp. All rights reserved.
Steve Chupp is a Resilience Trainer and Keynote Speaker. He equips business and healthcare professionals and educators to successfully manage stress and avoid burnout. For more ideas and resources to build resilience and manage stress, go to www.stevechupp.com Or contact at Steve at steve@stevechupp.com.
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