“I am so blessed!” Rosemary exclaims. We are seated around her table for our monthly ritual. With her sons and daughters and their spouses all present, she relishes the moment more than the meal. It doesn’t take much to make her happy. Family, food, and faith sustain her at 87 years of age. And gratitude is never far from her lips.

A closer look at the life of my mother-in-law reveals the sobering reasons for the deep lines etched into her pleasant face. Being the oldest daughter of ten children, her early years were marked by hard work and limited education and social opportunities. She married young, raised her children, and served alongside her husband in their family business.

Now she lives alone, having lost Herb five years ago after celebrating 63 wedding anniversaries together. A pacemaker keeps her heart going since that episode two years ago when she nearly joined Herb in heaven. Night driving is becoming a problem, and the day we ask for her car keys is drawing near. So how is she so blessed?

Rosemary has learned the power of gratitude, a reliable source of happiness and resilience. Gratitude does not change the reality of our difficult and stressful conditions. But it does change the storyline of our self-talk and generates genuine joy.

Gratitude Is a Choice

The world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude, Robert A. Emmons, points out that while gratitude is great for celebrating and expressing pleasure during good times, it is essential in recovering from painful adversity. Seem impossible?

Emmons distinguishes between feeling grateful and being grateful. We cannot force our feelings to change. But we can choose to be grateful, though that choice is difficult at times. Gratitude serves us well, not by ignoring the hardships, but by offering us a larger perspective on life than the temporary setbacks we face.

Gratitude helps us look back on negative and difficult events in a way that diminishes their painful impact, according to Emmons. In what he calls “grateful coping,” we identify the unexpected good that grew out of a bad situation. For example, a patient at the Goshen Center for Cancer Care, faced with a life-threatening diagnosis, recognized what was of greatest importance. He began living a fuller life by adopting a new set of priorities. “Now I am really living!” he said with gratitude.

Gratitude and happiness support emotional resilience, which is the ability to adapt and thrive in the midst of stress and adversity. Research demonstrates that gratitude increases happiness and helps people cope with major setbacks and difficulties. Grateful people do not allow their current negative circumstances to define all of life. Instead, they see good in the present and cultivate hope for a redemptive outcome. So how can you grow your gratitude?

6 Ways to Grow Gratitude

Try implementing a few of these proven methods to grow gratitude and increase your sense of wellbein

1. Write an email or note of thanks to someone who made a difference in your life. Consider a parent, grandparent, teacher, neighbor, or friend. Be specific in how they helped you and describe the positive impact you experienced.
2. Identify the surprising good that came from a difficult experience. Reflect on how adversity brought a positive life change, a new perspective, or an inspiring direction to your life. Consider where you would be without that unforeseen outgrowth of hardship.
3. Spend time in nature, at a park or woods, taking in the splendor of flowers, wildlife, and beautiful vistas. In winter, discover the beauty of freshly fallen snow and times of reduced activity. Notice the way creation feeds you emotionally and produces a sense of wellbeing.
4. Express gratefulness to God. Spirituality is a proven source of resilience to stress. Personalize your object of gratitude. When the power of gratitude is coupled with spiritual resources, wellbeing is multiplied.
5. Practice daily gratitude. Expressing thanks for three things each day reshapes your brain to create a more positive and grateful outlook. Before bed, take time to identify several events or interactions with people that brightened your day.
6. Keep a Gratitude Journal. A few times each week record three things for which you are grateful. Review your recent activities for small and large sources of encouragement: a good night’s sleep, meaningful conversations, and ways you helped others or they helped you.

Whether we are young or old, we can all learn from Rosemary’s example. In a situation where she could easily become negative and depressed, she chooses to highlight the positives in her life. The result is a rich, vibrant, and grateful focus that exudes joy and hope.

How great is that!

Copyright © 2018 Stephen Chupp. All rights reserved.

Steve Chupp is a Resilience Trainer and Keynote Speaker. He equips business and healthcare professionals and educators to successfully manage stress and avoid burnout. For more ideas and resources to build resilience and manage stress, go to www.stevechupp.com  Or contact Steve at steve@stevechupp.com.